a love letter

our world was quiet; now it is cold.

i always knew you loved me. i only hope you knew it wasn’t one-sided. all i am today can be attributed to you. you showed me how strong a man could be, that he doesn’t have to be perfect, yet that shouldn’t stop him from striving to be. you understood me, and as i grow, i am finally beginning to know who you truly were.

i don’t want to dwell in the embrace of “what if.” what if i had told you to fight harder? what if i had said the words to let you know i’ve always loved you? it becomes depressing as i go on, so i choose to lean toward the good side. i choose to think of what was and what could be, not what should have been.

it’s 5 a.m. i fell asleep by my laptop, and even in all this chaos, i am glad i was there when you left. i am glad i stood strong to walk you through. i never said the words, but i am so glad i felt you knew it.

i miss you, dad. i miss your laughter. i miss the sternness you showed when i steered wrong, and how it subtly helped me retrace my steps. the baton you’ve passed to me is a heavy one, but i am certain the principles you taught me will take me far enough to make you smile.

rest on, dad.