xixperience

I’d start by giving away the plot. I am XIX at this very moment, and it took me all these years to start letting my opinions breathe. I must say, it’s daring.

I grew up being the obedient child. I didn’t question my parents, my teachers, my aunties, my uncles, the list goes on. Even my “youngers”. I always kept others ahead of myself. I thought I had to understand others before understanding myself, you could say.

Yunno, it kept me afloat.

The past years of my life have been a product of the people around me, my parents, my teachers, my mates and egbons. If my inherited modified guts didn’t “vibe” with you, there was an invisible pole between us.

But things are different now.

Things started becoming different the very moment I decided to question religion, my own religion.

I started questioning beliefs and ideals I grew up on.

I realised that my childhood had suppressed my ability to let my own opinions exist. I always defaulted to others. I was the shadow of the people close to me.

And I think it makes sense now.

I think I got this far partly because I was agreeable. I conformed, I submitted to ideals that weren’t always mine, and that made me easy to accept. I think I am a living proof of that.

But going down the line, I started meeting people who were different. People who didn’t need me to agree with them to accept me. People who could be challenged, not because they wanted their egos stroked, but because they understood that reasons, ideas, and beliefs are meant to be tested.

Those are the people I have to keep around.

People who can tell me I am wrong. People I can tell, “I don’t agree with you,” without either of us feeling like the other has become an enemy.

I have opinions forming. I can discern what I want from what I don’t, the life I want to live, the things I want to believe.

I discovered something called opinions.

Of course, it’s a bold claim to say you own an opinion.

Opinions are influenced, challenged, changed, inherited, and sometimes completely discarded.

But I have the power to choose who I listen to, what I believe, and what I carry forward as mine. And I think that makes me stronger. More like I had discovered a hidden superpower.